Thursday, September 20, 2012

Winning It

We had some excitement in our house yesterday.  Apparently my nieces were watching Minute to Win It the day before and a surprising home video challenge appeared on the show.  It was my kids!!!

We had made a video nearly 3 years ago of the "Don't Blow the Joker" challenge and posted it on YouTube.  After it had been up for a little bit, we were contacted via email by Minute to Win It asking if they could put our video on the show, which I of course agreed to.  The kids were very excited.

So, we watched the show religiously for the rest of that first season.  Our clip was never on.  Then we watched the entire second season.  Again, our clip was never on.  WTF?

Whatever.  Bummer.  We never thought of it again.
Until yesterday.  When the kids were informed that they had become celebrities and they didn't even know it.  The clip is on the Minute To Win It website and the nieces sent Savannah a picture of their TV screen when their video was aired.  AWESOME!

Here is the clip:

The best part about the clip is that when I recorded it, I was watching an episode of Hoarders, which can be heard in the background.  :)

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

No New Ninja Moves

I went to a middle school family function tonight with my daughter.  They were going to be having a martial arts demonstration, anti-bully talk, and some free pizza.

I was going for the free pizza.  And to hopefully learn some ninja moves.  You know, important parenting stuff.

Unfortunately, the demonstration was not what I was hoping for.  I couldn't look at Savannah for the entire performance because it was taking every ounce of my strength to suppress the laughter that so was so desperately trying to escape out my mouth.  I knew that if I looked at her I was definitely going to embarrass myself and her.

Is it a sign of being a bad parent when you find yourself with your child at an anti-bullying presentation and all you can think about is how badly you want to take pictures to immediately post online and mock this dorky demonstration?  Probably.

So, as an exercise in self control, I left my phone in my purse and sat quietly through the demonstration.  I did not laugh or heckle the dorky martial art dancers.  ( I swear it was dancing.  None of their moves seemed menacing in any way.)  And, I did not snort kool-aid out my nose when I glanced over at Savannah when one kid's roundhouse kick sent his shoe flying across the stage.

I also did not learn any new ninja moves.  And Savannah did not learn how to confront a bully and karate chop him down.

But, we did get some free pizza.

Big Fat Pig

I found a pair of white capri pants near my laundry last weekend and they didn't belong to me.  I took them up to give them back to my mother and was told that those were her "big fat pig pants" and she was going to take them to Goodwill.

"Why are they your big fat pig pants?"
"I don't like the way they fit me and I feel like a big fat pig in them.  You can have them if you want."

Not exactly an great endorsement for the pants, but I was in the middle of a wardrobe crisis at that particular moment, so I snuck the big fat pig pants into the bathroom and tried them on.

Guess what?  They fit.  Kind of perfectly.


I wore them out of the bathroom and showed them to my 11 year old daughter.
"What do you think of my pants?"
"They are fine."
"Really?  I kind of like them, too."

She looks at me weird, obviously wondering why I am asking her about them.  So, I tell her.

"Mamaw says these are her 'big fat pig' pants and she was going to take them to Goodwill.  But, I tried them on and they fit me.  So, what do you think that means?"

Without missing a beat, she says, "You are a big fat pig," and giggles and leaves the room.

It's kind of true.  I have been prone to piggish-ness.  But, I'm most similar to the adorable kind as seen here:

I'm just one cute, cuddly, fat, piggy.  With some new white pants.  :)

Libraries can be Gross!

We frequently visit the local library.  Savannah devours books so quickly, that if we didn't I'd have to get a second job just to support her book habit.  But, luckily, the world has libraries and we know how to use them.

The other day my sister sends me a text that says:

I just picked up a library book to read and a tostito fell out of it.  It wasn't mine.

Gross, right?  But, I responded:

Savannah picked up a library book last night and a fingernail clipping fell out.  

In the gross contest, Savannah wins.

Here is the rest of the story.

She was soaking in the tub after her first afternoon of cross country training.  Her legs were sore so I recommended a long soak in the tub.  Take a book.  She loves to do this.  When she came out, she said something gross happened in there, but she didn't want to tell me about it because it was too disgusting.  Seriously, she said, too disgusting.

No way.  Come on.  Lay it on me.

Ok, she says, taking a deep, calming breath.  "I picked up my library book and something fell out of it.  Into the bath water.  I thought it was just a piece of paper, so I left it there.  And I stayed there in the bath with it.  But it started to bother me, so I picked it up to fling it into the trash.  AND IT WASN'T A PIECE OF PAPER!  IT WAS A FINGERNAIL CLIPPING!"  She shuddered at the memory.

Not only did she find a fingernail clipping in her library book, but she soaked in a tub with it, and then picked it up with her bare hand.

So, let me say here:  People, please, do not clip your fingernails or toenails over your open library books.  It's gross.

Just a Walk in the Park

In an attempt to improve my physical fitness, I have been walking everyday.  Every single day.  Step after step after step.  On a treadmill.  It's not a thrilling activity and I have to motivate myself by having a selection of audio-books or TV programs to watch to pass the time. (Currently it's Fifty Shades Darker or episodes of How I Met Your Mother)  I would walk outside regularly, but my body hates the outdoors during this time of year.  I'm allergic to it.  All of it.  But, tonight I decided to talk a walk on the wild-side and throw caution to the wind and walk this tiny gremlin outside.

Well, I had a second motive here.  Fillmore needed his toenails trimmed, but they are so darn sharp afterwards.  A long walk on the cement is the perfect doggy nail file.  The dog nail trimmers were in the car.  Why?  Because that is the most logical place to keep dog nail trimmers.  So, I used my key fob to unlock the car, which was parked in the street, and snuck out the door with a tiny dog under my arm.

Unfortunately, it seems that my walking workout has not yet increased my speed, because in the time it took me to get to my car, the alarm had reset.  I open the door and set off a symphony of honking.  Surprisingly, no one came running at the sound of the alarm to protect my car and the treasures contained within.  What is the point of car alarms again?

So, after a quick nail trimming, Fillmore and I set out.  He immediately began showing off his awesomeness by peeing on nearly every single blade of grass that we passed.  In doing so, he tripped me numerous times.  But, after a block and a half of stumbling and swearing, we got into a rhythm.  We made it all the way to the park before we encountered a ferocious beast disguised as a cute fluffy black dog named Sophie.  Sophie thought Fillmore should die a gruesome death.  Fillmore saw her coming, squared his shoulders, and said, "Bring it."  There was much snarling, leash wrestling, and ipod fumbling (save the dog or save the ipod?  it's a tough decision).  Apologies were exchanged and we moved on.

I reinserted my earbuds and cranked up Lady Gaga.  But, I can't hear anything else when I do that.  A runner snuck up on me and Fillmore attempted to amputate his ankles.  I was unprepared for this surprise attack and did not have a tight grip on the leash, so Fillmore had a little extra length at his advantage as he made his lunge.  This made the runner do an amusing hurdle like jump and earned me a scowl.  He's my 5 pound guard dog, what can I tell you?

We managed to make it out of the park without any bloodshed only to walk up on a police officer loading up his cruiser and about to head off to work.  Fillmore's fearsome growl was building in his belly and I could feel the vibration travel up the leash.  Crap!  This was a recipe for disaster.  I quickly picked him up to avoid spending a night in the slammer.  That was my signal to cut the walk short and we headed back home.

I'm back to treadmill walking tomorrow.