Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Just a Walk in the Park

In an attempt to improve my physical fitness, I have been walking everyday.  Every single day.  Step after step after step.  On a treadmill.  It's not a thrilling activity and I have to motivate myself by having a selection of audio-books or TV programs to watch to pass the time. (Currently it's Fifty Shades Darker or episodes of How I Met Your Mother)  I would walk outside regularly, but my body hates the outdoors during this time of year.  I'm allergic to it.  All of it.  But, tonight I decided to talk a walk on the wild-side and throw caution to the wind and walk this tiny gremlin outside.

Well, I had a second motive here.  Fillmore needed his toenails trimmed, but they are so darn sharp afterwards.  A long walk on the cement is the perfect doggy nail file.  The dog nail trimmers were in the car.  Why?  Because that is the most logical place to keep dog nail trimmers.  So, I used my key fob to unlock the car, which was parked in the street, and snuck out the door with a tiny dog under my arm.

Unfortunately, it seems that my walking workout has not yet increased my speed, because in the time it took me to get to my car, the alarm had reset.  I open the door and set off a symphony of honking.  Surprisingly, no one came running at the sound of the alarm to protect my car and the treasures contained within.  What is the point of car alarms again?

So, after a quick nail trimming, Fillmore and I set out.  He immediately began showing off his awesomeness by peeing on nearly every single blade of grass that we passed.  In doing so, he tripped me numerous times.  But, after a block and a half of stumbling and swearing, we got into a rhythm.  We made it all the way to the park before we encountered a ferocious beast disguised as a cute fluffy black dog named Sophie.  Sophie thought Fillmore should die a gruesome death.  Fillmore saw her coming, squared his shoulders, and said, "Bring it."  There was much snarling, leash wrestling, and ipod fumbling (save the dog or save the ipod?  it's a tough decision).  Apologies were exchanged and we moved on.

I reinserted my earbuds and cranked up Lady Gaga.  But, I can't hear anything else when I do that.  A runner snuck up on me and Fillmore attempted to amputate his ankles.  I was unprepared for this surprise attack and did not have a tight grip on the leash, so Fillmore had a little extra length at his advantage as he made his lunge.  This made the runner do an amusing hurdle like jump and earned me a scowl.  He's my 5 pound guard dog, what can I tell you?

We managed to make it out of the park without any bloodshed only to walk up on a police officer loading up his cruiser and about to head off to work.  Fillmore's fearsome growl was building in his belly and I could feel the vibration travel up the leash.  Crap!  This was a recipe for disaster.  I quickly picked him up to avoid spending a night in the slammer.  That was my signal to cut the walk short and we headed back home.

I'm back to treadmill walking tomorrow.

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